i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
As shirtless as possible
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
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