he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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