her vagine was all disorganized.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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