Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
