I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
