Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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