I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
