Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
