Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
