This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
