Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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