Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
