Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Randomize
