If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
