i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
