that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
