im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
