I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
