the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
