The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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