Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Are we still banned from the library?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
