she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
