do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
