He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
