I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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