He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
