i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
