something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
