Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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