Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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