So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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