I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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