I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
