Is it normal to miss your booty call?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
