I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
