My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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