Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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