Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
