I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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