where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
