He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
