hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
