I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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