The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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