Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
