remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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