i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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