I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
