They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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