I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
