There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
