what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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