Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
