So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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