how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
